Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
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