Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I wish you could order shots online.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
