Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
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