A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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