Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
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I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
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