RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
