Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
