I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
