Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Randomize
