walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
