I just cut my nipple shaving
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
