The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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