remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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