uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
