My girlfriend figured out who you are.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
