if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
