Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize