Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
