My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
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