His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
