AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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