Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
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