Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
