So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
