After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I am never drinking with the goths again.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
