one two three fourrrrnication!
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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