Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
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People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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