Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Randomize