well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
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he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
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how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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