4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I just cut my nipple shaving
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
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