I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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