we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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