Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
