All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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