it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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