True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
