Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
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Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
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We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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