you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
