its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Randomize
