we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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