It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
