4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize