Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
