me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Randomize
