i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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