pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
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