walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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