I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
