Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
