no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
