Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
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