Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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