DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
