I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
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note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.