So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it