dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence