Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
