She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize