RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I've blown a few things in my day
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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