I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Randomize
