Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Randomize
