You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
